Letting you go
by NeverEndingFandoms18
Summary: Sherlock has something that he needs to tell John. I do not own Sherlock ect.


Letting go.

 **I do not own Sherlock, the BBC does.**

 **Reviews are always welcome.**

I heard running footsteps on the stairs as I paced the length of the room. Of course it was not very big, so my pacing was limited, it always was. I always was limited. There was always something in my way, be it a physical or mental barrier or even legal barriars sometimes. Nothing ever ran smoothly, there was always something to hinder me.

"Sherlock?"

More running footsteps, I can hear Mrs Hudson's voice downstairs but I cannot quite make out what she is saying. Even though she had a loud voice, it was hard to understand her sometimes. And then of course, she would always get annoyed if I asked her to repeat what she said about seven times. People often get annoyed with me, I don't know why. I never get annoyed with them for being so slow and stupid sometimes. If they just use their brains, but no. it is always filled with such rubbish. Maybe it is not important to me who is top of the music chart or trending on Twitter, but it is important to them. That is probably why I annoy them. People do not like to be told they are wrong or what they are watching or listening to is rubbish and that they should be doing over things with their time. Maybe I should try to consider other people's feelings before I open my mouth. Maybe, but who has time for that?

"Sherlock, you rang me. It sounded important. Is everything alright? Are you hurt?"

I hear the tremor in John's voice, the high pitched squeak. I know is he frightened. I know that he cares a hell of a lot about me. I know that I matter to him. I should take his feelings into consideration. His opinion does matter to me. I do not know why, but it does. I care about what he is thinking and what he thinks about me. If he disagrees with me or indeed, agrees with me. It is not very often the latter happens. I always find a way to piss him off apparently.

"Sherlock, what is going on?" John sounds more annoyed now. I cannot expect him to do everything when I need him. He has a wife and a child now. It is not fair to keep calling him. It is time to take a step back. To let john get on with his life and let him settle down.

I finally turn o my heel ad face my friend. Even though I will never admit it, John has saved me. I used to be so arrogant, so up myself, so pompous. I did not use to think about other people and how my actions would always have implications for them. People would get killed and I would not care. But now I do.

"John. Thank you for coming so quickly."

John looks at me with narrowed eyes and he falls into his char. He got so upset when I moved that chair. I now know that I can't get rid of anything that was john's I can't bear to part from it. It reminds me of the whirlwind adventure we shared and I know I will hang onto those memories forever. The manic, thrilling adventures and I know that I should have enjoyed them more. I should have appreciated john more.

"Sherlock you are scaring me. Please tell me what is wrong." I smile gently. "Now I know something is wrong. You never smile. What's happened?" john stands back up and walks over to my side.

"Nothing John."

"Sherlock you tell me now."

For the first time in my life I feel proper, gut wrenching sadness. I look at John, his eyes pleading with me. I need to let him go. He has to work to feed his growing family for Mary is pregnant again. I will be an uncle again. John said that even though we were not blood relation, he wanted me in his family forever. That I was the brother he never had. It made me smile to know John thought that. I have always longed for acceptance. And now I have it.

"I am leaving London John."

John looks at me. Then looks around the room and takes a step away from me then returns his gaze to me. "What do you mean you are leaving London? You can't"

He takes a step back towards me, I can see the faint glisten of tears forming in his eyes and his breathing is becoming more heavy and laboured.

"I am leaving London in a months' time." Is ay, it feels as if a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel as if I can breathe again. It has been horrible keeping this from everyone. It is all I have thought about for quite some time. Bu I needed to look into it, to clear my mind and make sure I was making the right decision. And I know I have. Of course I will still return to London and my friends and family will visit me. I am not leaving forever. It is time for a fresh start.

"But you can't just leave like that Sherlock!" john says, I can see a little vein under his eye begin to pulse and his breathing is much heavier. Now he is the one who is pacing around the room. "Who else knows about this?"

"No one John, I wanted you to be the first to know. I want to know what you think. So I can adapt my plans."

"You can adapt them by not going. You can't leave Sherlock. What about everyone else?"

"I would like to think they will visit when they can." I did not think that John would take it this badly. I thought he would be supportive and encourage me to go. I did not realise that he cared this much about me. "John you won't be losing me forever. I will come back to London. It will not be a million miles away."

"And just where exactly are you planning on going?"

"There is a small village in Devon that I used to visit regularly with my parents and Mycroft. I have bought a cottage there. It's not too far out of the way so I can easily get around and return to London when I wish. But it is rural enough for me to make a fresh start."

"What do you want a fresh start for? Are you not happy here? This is where you belong Sherlock, not out in the countryside. You won't be able to cope. You are too much in love with the 21st century."

I smile. Maybe John is right, maybe I will not be able to cope on my own.

"What about Baker Street? What about the flat?"

"I have asked Mrs Hudson to look after it."

"Oh I thought you haven't told anyone your plans?" john sounded suddenly angry.

"I didn't. John if I can't cope living away from London, then I will move back here. It's no problem. I have considered every possibility with this. I have thought about the what ifs. Trust me." I step towards john and resume eye contact with him. "I know what I am doing."

"I want to know why you are doing this. Has something happened?"

"Nothing has happened John, I just think that it is time to let you go."

John has stopped pacing, I did not realise that he had stopped. "Time to let me go?" he lets out a low chuckle. "Are you breaking up with me Sherlock?"

I laugh, I can't help it. And this takes john aback even more than me smiling, "john. You are very dear to me and I want you to know that I will always remember our adventures with fond memories."

"Ok, what have you done with the real Sherlock?"

I smile again, it will take john time to know that I have changed for the better. It's going to take everyone time really. I know that it is going to come as one hell of a shock to the all, this is judging by John's reaction.

"Please just hear me out." I sit down in my chair and john takes his place opposite me. Just like old times.

"Go on then."

So I explain. I explain my feelings towards him, Mary and the prospect of more children. I say how much I love little Gwen, she is the one who has made me realise what I have to do. I say that he has had the most amazing impact on me and for that I will always be grateful. I say that I cannot keep ringing him up, asking for help, advice and to join me on one of my cases. I say that I know are hard is, to try and bring up a family. John looks at me, frowning slightly. I know what its thinking. How can I possibly imagine what it's like to try and bring the family nowadays? What do I know about child development and bringing up children in general? What do I know about keeping down a job, working 5 or 6 days a week just to try to bring in an income, just bring money and put food on the table?

The real answer is I don't. I don't have to do any of those things, I don't even know human nature most of the time. I don't know how to go about everyday life, with the goal in mind. Just like John, working as hard as we can to make sure children and wife are provided for. I look at John, he seemed sad, I know because his face is relax but there is a sad glint in his eyes, that he knows deep down about what I'm saying.

I tell John I sympathise, I empathise with what he's going through. Even though I don't totally understand I feel for him, I know how tough it can be. I see how tidy is, how lethargic. And this is why I'm telling him that I have to let him go. After all these years, after all the adventures we have had, it's time. Time to close this chapter of our life, and start a new one. But this time, our paths going in different directions. I say that I hope that we can still see each other, but I can still see his daughter and I can still see Mary. I tell him that I want to meet the child Mary is carrying, I want to be another uncle to the child.

I tell John that I don't want to be forgotten.

John stands up suddenly and stepped over to me. I stand up to meet him, there are tears slowly rolling down his cheeks now, I can tell that John is letting go of his emotions. Maybe I've said too much, maybe I haven't said enough. But something I have said must be right, for John is pulling me into his arms, into a fierce embrace that I don't hold back on. I can feel John shaking slightly in my arms.

"You will never be forgotten Sherlock, I promise you this on my life, he will never be forgotten, please you have to believe me." There is such sadness coming through John's voice as he sobs, something about it breaks my heart inside, it's funny, sometimes people said I don't have a heart. But now I know this can't be true. Because if I didn't have a heart, why does it feel like my insides are breaking?

We stay like that for several moments, neither of us wanted to move. After a while John sobs cease. And soon the only noise in the room are both our breathing patterns. John sniffs as he pulls away, and wiped his eyes with his thumb. It was then when his phone rings. He pours out and takes a step away from me, and sniffs just before he answers it.

"Mary! Christ, I'm sorry, I didn't realise I would be this long." John says. There's a pause as he listens to Mary, I can hear her voice coming through the phone, and she sounds worried "no Mary, Sherlock is okay. He's has given me some… Some news I think you want to hear. Is it possible for you to get round here, say in about half an hour?" I can hear Mary talking again, it sounds like that she's agreeing. "Great, can you please ring round everyone? I think everyone needs to hear what Sherlock has to say, he has some quite big news."

John looks at me and smiled sadly. "Yes Mary, I need everyone to come to Baker Street, tell them it's important. Mary I promise I'm fine, Sherlock is fine." Mary's voice becomes more calm and steady. "Yes and please ring Mycroft as well. I know he'd want to hear this. Mary, I promise you nothing is wrong. Sherlock is not ill, he is absolutely fine. There is news will affect everyone afraid." John's eyes slightly. "I love you too. I'll see you later." John hangs up and turned to me.

"I think I should get the kettle on." I say, there's a hint of laughter in my voice I can't quite get rid of.

John laughed softly. "I think that would be wise. I'll go and inform Mrs Hudson about what's happening." John said walking towards the door slowly.

I walk over to the kitchen and refill the kettle. I opened the cupboard and bring out the cups, making sure that enough for all of us. I also go hunting for biscuits, as I know it's late and people will probably hungry, because people do, they get hungry.

I don't hear John's footsteps running down the stairs. I turn and look over my shoulder. John stood watching me carefully. "John?"

"I meant what I said Sherlock. I will make sure you will never be forgotten. I promise you that. And you better make sure you visit regularly. Just give me one text or a phone call and I'll be one on my way." John's eyes show no source of anger, hatred, and confusion. The only show acceptance, love and I know that the both of us realise that our adventures will never be over. There will always be something.

I smile and carry on with my task. I hear John run down the stairs and in here that the distant conversation between him and Mrs Hudson.

The kettle is boiling as I walk back over to the window. Even though I am leaving London and Baker Street, I note that I can always return. I know that I will always have the support of my friends behind me, and I can always come home to the people who love me.

I must be getting soppy in my old age, this is not like me.

There is still something about human nature still don't know, but it feels like I almost want to find out.

Once again, the game is on as I and John and many people around me start a new chapter of their lives. They will never forget the chapter that we all shared and the memories we take with us.

I definitely am getting soppy in my old age.


End file.
